Stumbling across the endless desert sand
A hopeless view of an infinite bland
Crossing a rolling grainy heated hell
Tolling music of deathly Reapers bell
Wonder why I went left instead of right
As vultures spin in anxious circled flight
Mind plays tricks, I walk on a breezy shoal
As burning heat and hunger takes its toll
I notice Cow the cruel sun bleached his bone
Now Horse drops dead so I wander alone
Crawling across on my endless toil
My strength is sapped and my bloods a boil
Death cackles darkness just around the bend
Wondering when's this desert gonna end.
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9 comments:
Ryan
I really liked your sonnet. Your word choice, fluency and storyline were all amazing. You used really good words to rhyme.
Katherine
very vivid settings described in your sonnet... the rhymes made the lines mesh nicely together...
to make your sonnet even better, maybe you should think of other ways to end your sonnet- make it more dramatic, interesting... finish with a nice line that people will remember- could be that you see a water hole up ahead and your life is saved... idk..
anyways, good job
Ryan you have a really nice poem and this is a poem that is in my opinion perfect sorry that i cant use any punctuations my computer is not functioning properly i dont have any suggestions i would have some suggestions on the fluency of your sonnet but then some lines on your sonnet would have over syllables good job in keeping your lines syllables
_the nut
i really liked your sonnet. you used descriptive vocab words that made your poem interesting and scary. I didnt really get why you used Cow and Horse in your sonnet but it probably has a meaning to it. Great sonnet!
-rachel f.
I like the whole story about how this is a stuggle to survive its a cool way how you put it in the dessert and not anywhere else
Very interesting poem Ryan. I enjoyed the all the suspense of the poem although it was kind of dreary and scary. You probably have more to say about it and what it actually means during your analysis. What does your sonnet really mean? Does the stranded man represent someone you know, mabe you?
The ending was better before you edited it. It still just doesn't end off the sonnet right. Also, the third stanza, although I can understand it, just doesn't seem to fit the way you put it. It doesn't match the rest of the sonnet. However, the rest of your sonnet was pretty well done. Nice job.
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